Quenching the Curiosity: On Becoming a Parent

The topic of becoming a parent has risen many times throughout my life, more specifically in the past ten years, but many times all the same. I have been asked many time if I can have kids, if I would like to have kids, or other questions along those lines. I do not mind if people who know me ask me these questions, I rather they ask than assume and I am pretty open about most topics. However, I am not as open to random people --- who I do not know --- asking me these questions. I mean, if they ask anyone and everyone these questions, then they can go right ahead and ask me, but if not, it is not appropriate to ask just because I am in a wheelchair.

I am writing this post as I do not desire to be looked at as "different" from any other woman. I also desire for people to be informed, and to quench many people's desire to have these questioned answered. However, I do not hold the same beliefs as all women, so remember, my answers may not carry over as an answer that every other woman would give. Nevertheless, we are all people that would like to be treated as such, so I would advise that unless you ask every woman these questions to refrain from asking them to any woman in a wheelchair.

Here are my thoughts.

There is the question of whether or not I can have kids. Some women who are in wheelchairs cannot have kids, but many can; just like women who are not in wheelchairs, some can and some cannot. My disability does not affect my ability to get pregnant, but there is a question of how my body would react to carrying a baby. However, isn't that question applicable for any woman?

There is also the question of whether or not I would like to have kids. Yes, I would love to be a mother; I yearn to be a mommy one day. Whether this blessing happens via carrying a baby for nine months or fundraising and traveling to meet my child before bringing them home, I am up for either.

Many have been concerned about me having kids, not just for the sake of my health, but for the possibility of passing on my disability. First of all, that implies that my disability is a trait that should not be passed on. My disability may not completely define me, but it is still a part of who I am; it may cause some struggles, but who is born and lives life struggle free? To suggest that my disability should be eliminated, demeans my worth. My other thought is that if my future child is born with my same disability, who would be better than I to be their mommy?

It is also just as likely (or maybe even more likely) for a possible child of mine to be born with a different disability. Anyone has the possibility of having a child with a disability, who contracts cancer or another illness, or has a debilitating accident. Maybe no one should have kids if disability is such a concern.